StoogeNotes: Nabokov’s Lolita
I like to think that my posts are, in general, edumacational. I treat you to factoids you will likely not read anywhere else. Like, for instance, every second of every minute of every hour of every day, over 23,000 people in China take a shit. You won’t read that anywhere else and do you know why? Because I did the math myself.
Still, I suppose that most of what I write is soul-robbing mind candy. However, every now and then I like to make a real effort to inject some culture into the blogosphere with a look at fine literature or poetry. So, it’s time for another StoogeNotes™.
You’ll recall from last time that, because I am a Major Celebrity, I post StoogeNotes™ as a public service to give something back to you little, tiny, insignificant people who line up to give me blowjobs. StoogeNotes™ are ultra-condensed versions of classic literature. These summaries are more than enough to make you look really well-read at a dinner party or to get you through a class discussion. If you are creative, you can even use them to get through an exam or an essay. Meanwhile, unlike the actual stories, they leave out all the boring parts and take no time to read.
As before, remember that I have not read these stories in a while and I haven’t been sober in a longer while, so there may be insignificant minutiae missing or inconsequential mistakes in the details. But all the meaningful, thought-provoking, significant shit is here exactly as it was in the original story.
Today’s StoogeNotes™ selection is Nabokov’s Lolita.
Summary:
Questions your professor might ask: Do you know of any underage girls having sex with older dudes? Do you have their contact info?
Trivia to impress your professor, especially if she is a hot teaching assistant: Although Lolita sold very well, Nabakov could not get the prequels—Lolita versus the Rape Gang and Lolita in Prison—published. In Nabokov’s short story “Fuck Kitten,” a dumpy fortyish-year-old dude meets a fourteen-year-old girl in a chat room. The fortyish dude later discovers, however, that the fourteen-year-old is actually an Irish Setter. Upon being found out, the Irish Setter eats the dude and later poses as him in a chat room. Many consider this a precursor to Nabokov’s Lolita. This short story was later adapted into the movie, Must Love Dogs.
Seriously, if you have a final exam or something on Lolita and it’s an open book exam, you can just print out the StoogeNotes™ and you don’t even need to take the fucking book with you.
That’s all I have to say about StoogeNotes™ for now except that, if you were turned off by all the talk about banging twelve-year-olds, fuck you. This is classic literature here and it also happens to be scorchingly hot.
Posted on Saturday, May 02, 2009 at 06:31 PM.
Tags: Comics, Edumacation, Literature, StoogeNotes, May-December Romances
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Comments & Trackbacks
Thank you once again for providing this valuable public service. And no, I don’t have an exact monetary amount of how valuable it is.
I love this Stoogie…it fits in with my master plan of obtaining all the knowledge people who pay big bucks getting degrees have without ever having to take out a student loan! Because, is actually having that silly piece of paper from a degree granting institution really as valuable as being able to schmooze your way through a job interview by being able to dazzle (and confuse) with irrelevant but important sounding nuggets of knowledge?
Kudos, Stoogie!
Thanks, stoogepie! I have a big test on all the classic pieces of literature coming up in the fall. I think your StoogeNotes™ are going to be all I need. I don’t even have to study now!
Ahhh to be 12 again…
Lolita is one of my favorite books of all time. My only addition to this would be the fact that it starts when he’s already been in prison and is on trial.
Nabokov is the greatest writer to have ever put pen to paper. What’s more, his wife revised all of his work and was, probably, a better writer than Nabokov was. They both had synesthesia too, which I wish I had.
I also think they had a smokin’ hot marriage and she was his muse for Lolita. His own wife.
In summary, Vera Nabokov is my hero.
Wait just one second there, Stoogiepants.
I have that exact same maternity outfit.
You’ve been spying on me, clearly.
Yo Mr. POSSLQ! If only I could do this to satisfy my hours of community service.
Hey MsDarkstar! You should also get the Doctor of Divinity or Doctor of Metaphysics degree from the Universal Life Church, each only $29.99 (+$3 if you want your degree personalized). Then you would be Dr. Darkstar. How cool is that? And wouldn’t your interviewers be impressed? Hell yez!
Hi Dingo! I thought you taught classes and were finished with taking tests. You need to quit that shit. But dude, I wish I could teach a whole class around StoogeNotes™. Do you think you could hook me up? I have an honorary Doctor of Divinity degree, you know. I have lots of great ideas like, for instance, for extra credit students could fuck twelve-year-olds. That was just one example. What do you think?
Hey Melissa! Yeah, now I remember. Humbert writes the whole book from prison and then he dies at the end. But, you know, how is that relevant? I mean, dude fucks a kid numerous times! That’s the part of the book that matters! Anyways, you must be totally psyched about the pending publication of The Original of Laura.
Yo Crissy! Guilty as charged. You should save all those scorching maternity outfits for a museum or something. They will be useless to you in a month or so.
I wish I would have had stoogenotes in highschool.
Also, I had a dream about the Jonas brothers last night. A sexual one. I’m thinking of changing my name to Humbert.
I think dying wishes ought to be obeyed. I think literature would still go on without the publication. Yes, he’s dead, etc, but I’m not so much into being all, you’re dead fuck off. Plus, maybe it’s a dog, and then what?
god i love fairy tales.
this is classic
How in the hell did I miss this when you posted it? I must have missed the RSS notice. I saw today’s and thought it had been a while since I’d last read anything of yours.
Your interpretation of Nabakov’s tale is awe inspiring, well, inspiring. I don’t know how you do it time and again, but it is a pleasure to have access to your creative output.
Sigh. If only I had StoogeNotes when I was working on my literature MA. I was stuck with Cliff.
Please do another Bible Story. They are my favorite.