Stand-Up Experiment
Yeah, yeah, I don’t post often enough. Live with it, bitches.
The reason I haven’t posted lately is because I had a stand-up gig on Wednesday so I ran out of funny. I had nothing left to post after that. I was onstage for over 35 minutes. That’s a long-assed time to be funny. Just so you know, I will tell maybe six jokes a minute doing stand-up. Do the fucking math: 35 minutes is like sixteen million jokes.
Really, I worked for days and then pulled an all-nighter getting ready for that set and then I was just too tired and feeling too unfunny to post
So, all I did for this post is pull together a couple of minutes of material from that gig, edited it a little, and put it into a comic. I’m calling it an experiment because I don’t know how well it works. But, fuck it. I did it so now that’s my post.
That’s all I have to say about this comic.
Posted on Sunday, July 13, 2008 at 08:41 PM.
Tags: Blogging, Comics
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Comments & Trackbacks
I love it! The no bacon bit killed me. You are much braver then I, doing stand up scares me. I feel that I am better at comebacks then jokes, so I would just go up on stage, hand a guy in the front row a card and just zing everything he reads off of it....
thrilling…
Thank you. Your appraisal of the more popular religions is one of the most refreshing and amusing I’ve encountered in a long time.
Ken thinks the key to world peace is to make semen taste like chocolate.
That is an interesting idea. I am not certain how it will help, unless those in positions of power have secretly been in the habit of ingesting each others semen. If so, perhaps adding pleasant flavors will improve their demeanor and outcomes. As for myself, I don’t much care for semen but I do like chocolate.
I like white chocolate so the new and improved flavor would be ideal.
Hi Rachel! Stand-up is kind of fun. You should try it. I like your idea about delivering the zingers. That would be funny!
Hey Crissy! Are you saying that Ken’s semen doesn’t taste like chocolate? What the fuck is Ken eating? I mean, he ate those raspberry cookies with whipped cream.
Yo Mark! Thanks! I don’t think you’ve commented before so it’s fucking awesome to hear from you! I’ll try to be more timely with updates so I can keep you coming back. I think that if world leaders’ semen tasted like chocolate, they would be too busy dispensing dessert to fuck everything up.
Hi Dingo! Yeah, well, I’ve got some white chocolate in my shorts that I’d.... Never mind.
His explanation goes as follows:
If semen tasted like chocolate then there would be a lot more blow jobs happening in the world and all the men would be sooooo happy and content that they wouldn’t even care about world domination anymore and they would just go take a post coital nap instead.
That’s what he thinks.
Yo Crissy! That makes perfect sense to me. But, even without the chocolate flavoring, why can’t women just give more blowjobs now to save the world? Is it that women just don’t care enough about saving humanity to suck just a little more dick? Anyways, I am going to try to use the term “post coital” in one sentence every day for the next week.
Love it! I’m surprised… the stand-up material in comic form idea actually worked really well. After the first couple of frames, I started imagining a voice for you and that cinched the whole deal. Wish I could’ve been there to see it live!
BTW, glad you liked the chips. Something about food that is sweet and spicy at the same time… I just love it.
I loved your story submission over at Chris’s. It reminded me very much of something Russell Edson wrote. I can’t remember what the title was, but I’m going to try to find it and send it to you. Unless you already know it…
Anyway, I think you’re going to win.
Thanks for the warm welcome. You needn’t worry about me. I enjoy your sense of humor and your drawing style. I use RSS feeds like a fiend to keep up with lots of talented folks such as yourself.
I was once rather involved in political life and can assure you that plenty of blow jobs are dispensed and received at present in hopes of receiving favor, or from groupies who are turned on by power. The world might run more smoothly if the output were better tasting, but there are sufficient numbers who ignore the flavor in order to get the desired result.
I am reminded of an incident that happened to me several years ago. I was spending a weekend with a woman who, while we were out, asked for cotton candy, having seen a vendor of same. She ate a bit and then instructed me to finish it. I really didn’t want it, but did as she asked. Several hours later, I received attentions that rapidly went from wonderful to painful, nearly having to punch her in the head to get her to let go. When I asked why she wouldn’t stop, she said I tasted like cotton candy and that she wanted to get every bit of it.
Thinking of this story, perhaps there is something to your idea…
You are not the only person convinced that more blow jobs and swallowing hold the key to a better world. I have a dear Dutch friend who spent time in the US with me as an exchange student in college. She used to frequently exclaim that, “The world needs more swallowing!”, but in Dutch. The English quote is the most direct translation. As a going home gift, I had a t-shirt made with her slogan which was presented to her before she boarded her plane home. She still wears it out many years later when I am there visiting.
All: So you are not in the dark about the story contest (which I now wish I had tracked back to but did not think about it until now), Crissy of http://crissyspage.com/, Rachel of http://mominreallife.blogspot.com/, Dingo of http://www.asiwassaying.com/, I, and a bunch of other people entered a story-writing contest run by Chris of http://survivingmyself.wordpress.com/. You can read the stories at http://survivingmyself.wordpress.com/win-something/. The winner will be announced sometime tomorrow.
Hi Nels! Oh, my stand-up dates now are few and far between so there are not many opportunities to see me live. I love stand-up because I am a wicked attention whore, but I hate it because it really is a shitload of work and I am so lazy. Hey, was your site down for a little while today? Because I tried to go there and I got a weird screen. Anyways, it’s up now but I felt all dejected like maybe I had gotten blacklisted from your site already. Already!
Yo Crissy! Oh, stop. Thanks but I loved your entry! You definitely had the best line of any entry with, “Fuck it! I‘m calling in eyeless to work tomorrow.” I also loved the story you posted on your blog today, though I think I posted my comment too fucking early. It was one of those occasions when I was just up way too goddamn early. Anyways, there were a lot of damn good entries in the story-writing contest so I don’t expect to win! Still, if I do win because Chris gets all soft in the head tonight, I will have to buy a Russell Edson book with the gift certificate because I have no idea who he is and a web search made it seem like all he did was poetry.
Hey Mark! Damnit, man, if you have more experiences like that to share you need to start a blog because I am ready to subscribe right now! Your story of your Dutch friend really proves the point: see how happy and contented the Dutch are? Who needs world domination and plunder when you have blowjobs? Not me!
Yes. He is a poet. A prose poet. He’s really awesome.
Over the years, several who have heard my anecdotes have suggested publishing them. I’ve been fortunate to have lived a mostly positive, interesting life, thus far. I do not see this changing though one never knows what tomorrow may bring. As I do keep up with your site, and given the warm reception, will continue to post comments, and I will let you know what form my stories may take. The trick is that they come to mind most often when I am away from the computer and interacting with people face to face. I’ve thought of purchasing one of those Asustek eeePC things so I can get something down that has been dredged up from my memory.
I do tend to think that if more people experienced sexual release on a regular basis, the world would be a more peaceful place.
Hi Stoogie!!
You have a fan in my 15 yr old son. He comments frequently on the size of his poops, and Mr. Perfectly found one of your comics that addressed that VERY thing....Son #2 asked him to print it out so he could hang it on his bulletin board!! You are cool enough for a high school freshman!!
Where do you do standup? Just curious...I have a good friend who lives in NYC, and of all the millions of people, you know, maybe you KNOW him......but since I don’t know YOUR name and wouldn’t dream of giving out my FRIEND’S name, then I guess it’s sort of a moot point, huh?
see ya!
Perfectly
p.s...wow, you are psychic, too.....my little type the word thingy was ‘maybe42’----and given that I cant remember my age, and typed my first retractions in my blog, this seems quite apropos!!!
Heh. Nice. I think I could give up bacon for all those women. I don’t eat much bacon anyway.
you have a tattoo, eh?
i’m telling you… semen that tastes like chocolate is the way to world peace. not just any chocolate, btw… we’re talking REALLY AWESOME chocolate, better than you’ve ever had before.
women (well, men too for that matter) would be on their knees constantly, reading and more than willing to “get the poison out.” no poison = no rage.
ken
ps 6 jokes/min x 35 mins = 210 jokes, not 16,000,000.
“ready,” not “reading.”
Stoogepie,
Like you, I have been remiss in my commenting. I think your experiment went quite well. I also think you have a pretty good excuse for the time between your posts. They obviously take a ton of work.
TuB
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