President Sarah Palin
I wrote a really long post about John McCain and Sarah Palin, but I’m not going to post it. I will be posting that in bits and pieces because it was way too fucking long to post in one sitting. A lot of the post has to do with Bristol Palin because I am in a really good position to write about fundamentalist redneck teens fucking and making new fundamentalist rednecks.
In this post, I will only cover the basics and not really go into Slutpuppy Bristol and her Redneck Baby Daddy.
On August 29, 2008, John McCain picked Sarah Palin to be his running mate in the race for president. Sarah Palin has been governor of Alaska for two years and, before that, was perhaps the worst mayor the tiny town of Wasilla had ever had. She was almost recalled as mayor but lasted until she ran for governor. When she became mayor, Wasilla had a budget of $3.9 million and zero debt. Sarah Palin, whom McCain calls a reformer, fiscal conservative, and “tough minded budget cutter,” left the tiny town six years later with a $5.8 million dollar budget and $20 million in debt—about $3,000 per resident—in spite of getting about $27 million in earmarks with the help of a hired Washington lobbyist. So, she’s a tough-minded budget cutter and fiscal conservative just like George W. Bush has been!
As for her being a reformer, well, yeah, as mayor of Wasilla she did fire the town librarian after asking the librarian to censor library books. At the same time, she fired the sheriff because he had supported her rival in the preceding election. And then there is TrooperGate. See, Sarah Palin’s sister had a pretty nasty divorce and her husband was a state trooper. So, naturally, as soon as she became governor, Palin told the top law enforcement official in the state, the Safety Commissioner, to fire her ex-brother-in-law. He refused, so Palin fired the Safety Commissioner instead.
In that investigation, Palin is refusing to turn over 1,100 emails, citing the Deliberative Process and Executive Privilege. Now, many of these emails can’t have anything at all to do with governing Alaska. For instance, a series of the emails have the subject heading “re Andrew Halcro.” Andrew Halcro is a blogger who ran against Palin as an independent in the 2006 governor’s race and his blog has since been pretty critical of Palin. What could emails about him have to do with governing Alaska? Before you come up with some excuse, Todd Palin is copied on a lot of these “privileged” emails. Here is a page from the privilege log. Todd Palin, Sarah’s husband, is not an elected official. He works for BP, the oil company. So, how can emails he is copied on ever be privileged? They can’t. But Palin only needs to keep them secret for two more months. Does Sarah Palin sound more and more like Dick Cheney to you?
The big problem is that, from an actuarial perspective, Sarah Palin is very likely to become president if McCain is elected president. First, McCain is 72 years old, so it’s anybody’s guess whether he will even survive until November. And he has survived multiple bouts with cancer in those 72 years. But let’s face it: it’s a miracle that McCain has survived this long, because we all know that government-controlled healthcare doesn’t work.
See, for all of McCain’s 72 years, McCain has had government-controlled health care. His father was an admiral so, as a child until he went to Vietnam, he had government-controlled health care. Then during Vietnam, he obviously had government-run healthcare. After Vietnam, he had veterans’ benefits when they still provided adequate health care. Then, once he became a congressman, he became entitled to the congressional health care package, which is, of course, run entirely by the government. And neither he nor his millionaire wife has ever complained about their “government-run health care system where a bureaucrat stands between you and your doctor,” but that doesn’t mean he isn’t right on the money. Why else would he so vehemently oppose giving you the same benefit he has enjoyed his entire life? McCain must know he is on the verge of death thanks to 72 years of government-run healthcare with a bureaucrat standing between him and his doctor.
So, before you vote for McCain, it’s a good thing to try to envision what a Palin presidency would look like. Unfortunately, besides the information I’ve already talked about, we don’t have much to go on. Well, there are the statements that both McCain and Palin have made but, as Paul Krugman of the New York Times said, “I can’t think of any precedent, at least in America, for the blizzard of lies since the Republican convention…. [T]he McCain campaign keeps making assertions that anyone with an Internet connection can disprove in a minute, and repeating these assertions over and over again.” We can’t trust a lot of what they say because, really, they have lied and lied and lied.
But we do know that Palin is a fundamentalist Christian who, like many fundamentalist Christians, is fine with telling demonstrable falsehoods. She believes “in a literal translation of the Bible.” That is, the bible is all true. That shit really happened exactly as it’s written.
So, I think Sarah Palin might have some radical ideas about how we should run this country. For instance, when it comes to national defense.
Palin also might be just the person to innovate when it comes to both social and environmental issues.
Palin also has an interesting take on global warming.
Since it looks like McCain stands a good chance of winning because the American people love lies almost as much as they love war, we should get to see soon enough how Palin governs as president.
That’s not all I have to say about Palin but that’s all I’ll say about her right now.
Coming soon, Mister Shorts. And even before that, my very first contest ever: the Nude MILF Contest! Check back, because I’ll be giving away some serious prizes worth more than $500! No shit!
Posted on Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 11:39 PM.
Tags: Bullshit, Comics, Politics, Religion, Stoopid
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Comments & Trackbacks
excellent post—as usual, stoogepie.
i really respect the attention you have paid to adequate citations of your sources—something a lot of “political” blogs direly lack.
my interest in palin goes as far as seeing porno pics of her. the more depraved the better, natch.
ken
ps. you’d better have a prize crissy wants ‘cuz i’m all over that shit.
This post is genius. Just makes me wonder all over again how people can support McCain. Oh, that’s right, “American people love lies.”
How is it that anyone supports that ticket? How can it be? And I don’t think it’s fair that you have to be a mother to be in your contest. I mean seriously, is it MY fault the dead guy croaked before inseminating me?
Stoogepie, this post is dead on. As dead as Palin is counting on McCain being two seconds as he takes his Presidential oath. I’m sure she’s praying up a batch of pneumonia or something. Can I have your babies? But only downsy babies. I do have aspirations to the presidency, ya’ know.
Okay. I’m naked right now and a MILF and STOOGEPIE FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!
Do I win?
Also,
Can I be vice president? I think that what the peoples need is a stoogepie/crissy administration.
Consider all we can do if we only had the chance!!!!
Just promise me you’ll think about it.
First, I would like to be campaign manager for a Stoogepie/Crissy administration.
And I appreciate the illustration of VPILF Palin’s life views. Hauntingly accurate.
I’m interested to see if Crissy has any competition in the nude MILF contest… do we get to vote or will you be making that decision on your own (after many long, baby-oil soaked hours of consideration….)?
Yo Ken! Unfortunately, you are ineligible to win. But you can win whatever the blogger prize is! And I’ll take the nude pictures of Palin whenever you have them.
Hey Meg! Just for the records, Americans also love high-fructose corn syrup and violence in general.
Hi k8! No, you can enter the contest! Motherhood not needed. Also, you can send me nude pictures of yourself!
Hey Dingo! You can all my dwnsy babies!
Yo Crissy! If you are already nude, we’re halfway there! Yes, I’m thinking about it….
Hi Adminderella! Although Crissy is the only nude MILF absolutely needed in the contest, I will happily consider all photographs submitted.
She makes my blood boil, so does the stupidity of so many Americans! Loved your post and your comics, great read. I am so glad Dingo sent me over here!
Another great and important post. You’re fast becoming one of my favorite political commentators. Also, I agree with Ken - the citations are fantastic. You would make a formidable opponent.
I’m emailing this post to everyone I’ve ever met in my entire life.
Hello Stoogepie, you’ll teach me to stay away! I’ve been distracted and paying for it with a gut sore from laughing. The medical toy ad and your take on the Republican Party ticket are wonderful. Sadly, your observation of what Americans love is painfully accurate if history and contemporary behavior are accurate indicators. Personally, I can’t fathom it, but fear and love of ignorance & the simple answers it demands tend to carry the day in our species. Those who overcome these almost always end up at the margins of society or they seek shelter & obscurity.
Yo DirtyLaundryDiva! Isn’t DIngo awesome? Let’s hope we can rock this vote in November.
Hey Underblawger! Thanks! With any luck, I’m wrong about Americans.
Hi Sunny! I hope you do! And tell them to vote, too!
Yo Mark! Thanks! I hope we’re both wrong. As I’ve said before, to some Republicans lies are like roofies. Feed some to the American people and the rape goes much more smoothly. But maybe after its eight-year nap America is about ready to wake up.
I generally try to maintain a regimen of high hopes and low expectations, thus avoiding disappointment. During the Democratic National Convention, one of my friends at the gym, a Fox fan who refuses to consider other sources of information including his own senses, he asked if I was giving a speech at the convention and when was I flying to Denver. I asked why he thought I would do such a thing. He replied that since I clearly was not of his simple minded ilk, I must be a “librul democrat”. I told him that to my mind, the worst thing going for this country’s politics is that the duopoly of Democratic and Republican Parties keep other voices from being heard and polarizing every issue and non-issue that arises. I told him that the differences between the parties could be summarized thusly:
Democrats tax and spend. Republicans borrow and spend. I asked him to note the shared characteristic. I then went on to say that more broadly, Democrats bring grease to the party while Republicans require one to bring ones own grease or do without. Both are going to fuck you because they can cleanly get away with it due to a lack of alternatives to either of them. I laughed for a long time when Senator McCain kissed Jerry Falwell’s ass and went further to appease the Jesophiles who threaten to withhold their support to Republican candidates if they don’t at least hear that their nutty ideas will be supported. I have to wonder why McCain didn’t say to them, “Who else you gonna vote for, the Democrat?” His pick of Governor Palin is clearly a calculated, craven effort to appease the Jesophiles and pander to Senator Clinton supporters who are not happy with her party’s choice of candidate. Wacky stuff to be sure…
Sadly, most Americans have no desire to wake up, thinking their marvelous dreams are their wakeful state. This is nothing new. If you are the reading sort, I strongly recommend you read, “The Image”, by Daniel Boorstin. For more than any other reason, I recommend it because it was written in 1961 and reads like it was written yesterday. The continuing relevance of his view is frightening in its accuracy.
http://www.amazon.com/Image-Guide-Pseudo-Events-America/dp/0679741801/ref=pd_sim_b_7