Porn for Chicks

A while ago, in her post on the Toy With Me website, Crissy had this idea about Porn for Chicks™.  It intrigued me.  I like porn and I like chicks.  And I like porn chicks.

It’s true that most non-porn chicks do not seem to like porn.  And by “porn,” I mean the porn that dudes like: dude porn.  As an example, if I wanted to create an awesome porn movie for dudes, I might hire, say, four hot sluts and fifty whatever dudes.  I might tell the sluts to skip the obligatory colon-cleaning enema before the shoot, and I would have the fifty dudes fuck the four women up the ass.  I would call this epic Shitty Shitty Ass Bang.  Voila!  Instant bestselling porn classic.

But chicks would not find this entertaining.  Only dudes would buy it.  I have no idea why.

And women don’t like those awesome sex moves you learn from porn, either.  Like, for instance, I have not yet met a woman who wants for you to lean over and spit on her asshole right before you fuck it.  Go figure.  Women are strange.

Anyways, my point is, Crissy is right: chicks do not like dude porn.

In my epic, Shitty Shitty Ass Bang, notice that I did not even try to come up with any plot.  Who cares?  I could just do it gonzo, with almost no plot at all: the fucking is the story.  Or, I could come up with some flimsy set-up and call it a plot.  In fact, it could end, just like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, with a fudge recipe.  I am all about The Irony, peoples.

Women want a better story.  For men — admit it, dudes — Ron Jeremy epitomizes everything that is wonderful about porn.  He is pretty much a huge dick attached to a hair-covered Hot Pocket®.  One of those meatball and cheddar Hot Pockets® that fell behind the stove and got covered in grease and hair and who knows what the fuck else.  Dudes think, “But look at that dick coming out of it! And that Hot Pocket® sure knows how to use that dick, too!”

But women want a story.  Why is that slut fucking a hairy, greasy Hot Pocket®?

That’s why Crissy and I got together to create Porn for Chicks™: porn that has the story women want but also has the fucking that men want.  Our first efforts to storyboard our ideas follow.  We used the stories from timeless literary classics — Chick Lit — and stayed utterly true to those storylines.  But we also provided the sordid details left out by the censors.

So, you know, go over to Crissy’s or to her latest Toy With Me post and let us know which of these ideas you like best.  Crissy has some time off around Crissymas or something so we plan on shooting one of these straight to video then.  Or something.  But don’t even bother telling me which one you like unless you’re ready to either fork out twenty bucks for the DVD or, you know, accept a leading role or something.

That’s all I have to say about Porn for Chicks™ right now.  We are going to start producing these right away, so place your orders now.