Ninja Rape Gang

Usually I have something to say about the shit that I post. This time, I don’t really have all that much to say except that I get a lot of hits owing entirely to my infrequent mentions of porn and zombies and religion. Google and Bing like those topics almost as much as Google and Bing like that story about that teenage vampire dude so thoroughly pussywhipped by an utterly uninteresting teenage girl that he has clits on his face instead of zits.

Well, I am straying from those topics this time. I am going to share with you the sad tale of the Ninja Rape Gang. Gang-raping ninjas won’t get me any fucking hits, but I have to tell this story because it is based upon a true story I made up a few weeks ago when I was so drunk that even cake couldn’t give me a hard-on. But this story did. I mean, this story plus cake.

So, without further ado, I present Ninja Rape Gang.

Oh, Happy Turkey Day if you celebrate that holiday or watch football or eat like you won Lotto: The Food Stamp Edition or whatever. This Thanksgiving, I am going to my mum’s house like I do every Thanksgiving. She will tell me to eat more and then we will sit on the couch and make small talk until I turn on the TV. And then, usually during a L’Oreal or Garnier commercial, she will see some actress and say to me, “Oh, isn’t she lovely, dear?” Because my mum is a subtle lesbian like that. And then my mum will tell me that even if I order ten wives from Russia — she just adored Chicken Kiev when that Russian restaurant was still open near Carnegie Hall — I can still be a reckless philanderer but I will have beautiful children.

So I might order a few dozen Russian brides, soon.

Also, I am working very hard, peoples, so I am not around that much. And when I am around, I am obsessed with gang-raping ninja comics. Because that’s just my way. So, I will answer all of your emails very, very soon, meaning never or maybe even a few days before then if there is no new porn on the internet.

Anyways, that’s all I have to say about the Ninja Rape Gang.