Great Stories of the Bible 2
This Great Bible Story is a lot different from Great Stories of the Bible 1. But I still think it’s a pretty great bible story
See, that last bible story was a good story for the whole family, but might have been more interesting to adults. But this Great Bible Story is one the kids can enjoy in particular.
You’ve all heard of David & Goliath. David kills this giant and saves the day. But what you might not know is the story right after that whole David and Goliath episode in the bible. It’s a magical story with kings and princesses and royal intrigue.
So, if you thought all these bible stories were going to be adult-oriented just because the bible is full of smut and pornography, you were wrong. Share this story with the little ones.
See! I told you! It’s like a fairy tale! And like all the happiest fairy tales, it ends with David marrying the princess. Teach your kids: never, ever underestimate the value of dickmeat!
I’m working on another fairy tale of sorts, too. I’ll have news about that in a few days if I can get off my ass and finish it. But for right now, that’s all I have to say about that.
Posted on Monday, March 16, 2009 at 04:46 AM.
Tags: Comics, Bible Stories, Religion, Christianity
no trackbacks
Submit your trackback to http://www.stoogepie.com/index.php/trackback/85/ojhXGlQY/
- Enjoy this post? Share it with others!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Comments & Trackbacks
Thank you for the very valuable and enlightening story, stoogie. Sadly, though, I will never look at calamari the same again.
I like Dr. Rev. Stoogepie’s Tales of Bibaldry! I’m a little curious as to whether David continued his “covenanting” with Jonathan after he married Michal… oh well, I guess there are some great mysteries that are made to remain mysteries.
I lack the capacity to describe how much I enjoy your illustrations. That your story telling ability, and interpretations of classical texts are equivalent is icing on the cake. You have a knack for picking the best stories from the poorly written book of popular fairy tales. Well, the book is popular according to lip service and sales volume, but most never crack the cover.
It is good to see you back at it.
Stoogepie, knowing David was a “man after God’s own heart” disheartens me. If he is the type of person that God loves, I am never getting in to heaven! I haven’t massacred entire peoples and I only have about 20 foreskins in the lockbox at the back of my closet. I do, however, have one of those snazzy tunics I can wear.
And once again, you hit the nail on the head. This is why I love you. And I’m so glad I didn’t know you when I worked for the church, because I don’t think I could have gotten through my high school Sunday School class without pointing all this stuff out. Then I would have gotten fired and I wasn’t ready to be fired yet.
Okay, is this real? I grew up in Southern California in the 80’s. What I know of the bible involves twins with sun-kissed skin and a tiny mole on their shoulders and sea-green eyes and they drive a mustang. I think that’s in the Book of Sweet Valley. It’s in the Medium Testament.
So seriously, is this storyline mostly true. I mean about the man-love and the foreskins?
I don’t think I can eat calamari anymore.
Hey Mr. POSSLQ! Oh, come on. Like we all wouldn’t eat fried dick everyday if it tasted good.
Yo MsDarkstar! Yeah, according to the good book, David and Jonathan continue their love affair after David gets married. In fact, the juiciest bits happen in 1 Samuel 20.
Hi Mark! The Christian capacity for make-believe is endless, and it’s best demonstrated by how easily they make believe they have even a passing familiarity with the bible.
Yo Dingo! But do you have the sneakers to go with the tunic?
Hi k8! Wait, why would you get fired? I have sort of been hoping that Sunday School teachers use these Great Stories to teach the kids their lessons.
Hey melissalion All true. Okay, if you just read the captions, you get the story from the bible pretty much exactly as it is written with no interpretation. So, yep, the whole part about the foreskins is completely as it is written. The part about the man-love? Well, whoever wrote the bible was almost never explicit about sex, so you need to interpret that one. But my interpretation is entirely in line with most non-apologist biblical scholars. So, Jonathan does get naked and form a “covenant” with David. In chapter 20, they kiss. Apologists say that it is common for men to kiss in greeting in the Middle East, which is true. But they kiss after an explicit greeting, and then they hold one another and cry until David “get’s enlarged.” No kidding. That’s the original Hebrew. Then, also in 20, Saul insults Jonathan by essentially telling him that he has shamed himself by loving David more than women. And that’s only the redacted version in the Masoretic Hebrew text. Earlier versions pretty much had Saul say to Jonathan, “You’re a slut just like your mother was, running after every man you set eyes on.” So, yeah, even my interpretation is supported. And it’s worth mentioning that even many apologists like the Archbishop of Canterbury admit that David and Jonathan had the first gay marriage. Take that, Prop 8!
Yo Crissy! Yeah, like you don’t love eating dick. Puh-lease!
That’s really crazy. I’m glad my parents sheltered me from it. Pot and porn = okay! Bible = shelter the kid.
fucking epic shit.
i think you should be a college professor.
I used to tell the Sunday School kids that there was more violence, sex and magical drug use in the Bible than on any Rated R tv show. They never believed me. Stupid parents. Lying to their kids.
Sucking and eating are two very different things, Stoogie.
And I have the TMJ so I don’t really do a whole lot of the sucking…
WHAT?
My jaw locks up and it’s not sexy.
well, it’s sexy if it locks OPEN…
My late wife suffered from TMJ, and I used to tease her exactly as Ken has done Crissy. Fortunately, she enjoyed the sucking and was seldom afflicted with a locked jaw. I did find some massage techniques that helped to loosen it so she could get back to the activity without pain.