Eat Me! No, Really….

I’ve been working on a long comic project that is not ready yet.  I hope to have it ready to post soon.  In the meantime, file this entry under shit you (hopefully) did not know about the internet. 

There is a lot of pretty crazy shit on the internet.  I often think that the internet brings out the worst in people.  Or, at least, it gives some pretty fucked up people an easy way to find similarly fucked up people.

As an example, you have probably heard of Hot or Not, where people post their pictures and get rated on their hotness by anonymous nobodies.  Well, have you ever taken a shit that was just magnificent?  Now there is Rate My Poo!  When you take a dump that is really special, all you need to do is take a picture and upload it to Rate My Poo so that anonymous nobodies can give your crap a score.  As of tonight, Rate My Poo has 18,316 pictures of shit on it.

And I have talked about dating sites like the one for the mentally ill who want to date other mentally ill people before, but there are also dating sites for the morbidly obese who want to get even more fat and for gay thugs.  (On Gay Thug Dating, check out this thug if you dare.) 

What I have not been able to find is a dating site devoted to cannibals.  See, cannibalism is pretty big on the internet.  Yes, I said cannibalism.

A while ago I happened upon this website for dudes who have fantasies about eating women after they cook them.  It is called Muki’s Kitchen, and it features picture after picture of women with apples in their mouths being impaled, roasted, microwaved, and fried alive.

I agree that women are pretty tasty, but cooking women before you eat them seems like it might make sex after dinner less interesting.  I’m assuming there would be sex after dinner or why would I even bother cooking?  And, I know I am the first dude to ever think of this, but doesn’t cooking and eating a woman sort of suck for her?

Also, you know, what do you talk about with someone you are going to eat?  Does she know you are going to eat her?

In case you think this is just some crazy fantasy, look up Armin Meiwes.  This dude advertised on an internet bulletin board appropriately named the Cannibal Cafe for a victim to be cooked and eaten.  He used the screen name “Franky.”  Many people responded who wanted to be cooked and eaten.  At least twenty potential victims actually went to his house and, while some chickened out, he rejected some others.

Now, you know, I go to clubs and bars and shit, so I am no stranger to rejection.  It happens.  But how does it feel to be rejected as a fucking cannibal victim?

One dude finally responded who apparently met Armin’s tastes and, to prove it, Armin ate the guy.

The Cannibal Cafe bulletin board had a list of available human livestock and applications for those who wanted to be livestock.  Because, you know, you want to show a little discrimination about whom you cook and eat.  But it was a highly moral place.  On the front page, it warned that it would not tolerate participation in its cannibalistic activities by minors.  Or, as those of us in the know like to say, “no veal.”

Anyway, there is cannibalism afoot.  Pun intended.  So, the next time you go to a club and you meet a nice stud or chick, check them out extra carefully.  You may be looking for an ass buffet, but she or he may be looking for the same thing.  Only different.