Here is my post-Christmas letter to Santa.

Also, it was way too crowded to enjoy shoplifting. Really. It felt like work.

I’m not worried about losing my job. If I lose my job, I will post more regularly and dress less frequently. But a lot of good people I work with who have pink hair and nose rings and who smoke crack during their lunch breaks are going to lose their jobs, and then who the fuck will hire them?

So, I’m in that way again, and not totally sure that the drugs aren’t counterproductive, and thinking a little that maybe I should stop the drugs for a while. After I run out of my stash, maybe, I mean. Which might happen by January or so, unless I can find a bunch of coke-sniffing sluts to come over to the stoogepen and use up all my drugs.

Not that it’s all that hard to find coke-sluts, but I was looking on Craigslist the other day for, you know, wholesale whores in the pussy section and I discovered that they changed that whole section of Craigslist. There are no more ads for whores there.

I know, that’s harsh, but let’s face it: a lot of Americans are morons. 

You Canadians are nodding your heads right now.

Or not.  Maybe I will just write about how you, too, can find eager sex partners at your local hospice home.

So, Soapbox, who won the Nude MILF Sweepstakes, never claimed her or his prize.  On the one hand, I kind of had a feeling this might happen.  On the other hand, I expected to find an email in my inbox right after the deadline because that’s how shit happens.

So, as I said in my last boring entry, now I will choose a second chance winner from the people who have voted for Crissy for Hottest Mommy Blogger for 2009.  I will choose that winner Tuesday afternoon.  So, this is your last fucking chance.  You must send me your username before the drawing because I have no intention of keeping this camera for another week.  If I don’t know who you are, I will choose another winner.  Period.  After I randomly draw the second-chance winner, I will randomly draw the winner of the camcorder from among the blogs that pimped the contest, so if your blog did not appear among the list in my last boring entry, let me know.  Note that the second-chance winner and the pimping winner have no relation to one another.  That is all.  You have until noon tomorrow to vote.  Do it now and send me your username.  Note that I do not need your password.

Now, I actually have to pick a winner. This is the fucked up part of hosting a sweepstakes.

I’ll tell you the winning number and username, and then I’ll tell you how Blogger’s Choice tried to fuck me up the ass, how I chose the winner with a special guest monitor, and how I’m changing the rules of the Sweepstakes in an arbitrary and meaningless way because I am a prick.

Enough of these work-friendly political posts.  If you’re at work, go vote for Crissy and then do your fucking work.

So, I was watching porn and eating cake the other day when it occurred to me just how immorally advanced porn has become. First I watched a little of Dirt Pipe Milkshakes #2. But I felt like I was missing something. See, I hadn’t seen the original Dirt Pipe Milkshakes so I thought, hey, maybe I should watch that one first because maybe then I will get a better understanding of these characters’ motivations. Like, what exactly inspires them to get together and fuck? Why do the dudes always cum in the women’s asses? And what, exactly, inspires the women or a girlfriend to suck the cum out of that ass and drink it, thus inspiring the title?

So, second, I watched Fuck Slaves. Actually, I had seen some of this movie before, but I tend to watch porn in like fifteen-minute to half-hour intervals. In one scene in Fuck Slaves, a dude uses a turkey-baster type thing to inject milk into a chick’s ass sort of like a milk enema. Then she squirts it all out onto the tile floor and then licks it up. I’m serious. That’s one of the scenes.